I was delivered a special lump of coal last night. A lump that started as a pinchy-itchy patch of skin on my left eyelid that blossomed overnight into full-blown psoriasis inflammation around both eyes. This was my body’s gift to me for being such a horrible steward for the past few months.
I deserve it!
I haven’t had a flare up for an entire year, so what happened? It’s quite simple actually – I ate, drank, and over-thought my way into this mess. Looking back I can see that Fall music festivals and camp-outs progressed into Halloween parties which slid into Friendsgiving parties, then Thanksgiving parties, retirement parties, and now holiday parties.
It was the same story last year. The party season came around and I took every opportunity to over-indulge in food and drink. We truly are what we eat and drink and some of us have lower tolerances than others. What is too much for me is normal for some. What is normal for me is too much for others. There is no standard but I know my limits and I still pushed them.
In addition to my gluttonous approach to the holidays I also had a heavy emotional load this fall. Things were happening in my life that made me feel deeply contemplative, somewhat sad, and confused about how to move forward in life. I often found myself lost in thought and not being present.
I tried to keep my spirits up through Qi Gong and meditation, and stay physically healthy by eating clean, exercising, and getting plenty of rest. Unfortunately, even when I began to feel the tell-tale signs that my body was off-balance I didn’t take my situation seriously. Despite being aware of my actions and the likely consequences, I let myself indulge in over-thinking and slipped on my party-pants at every opportunity.
The bottom line is that even if you keep up a strong health and wellness routine, a heavy emotional load combined with a recurrent rich diet and indulgent drinking can and will derail even the best intentions.
When my body gets out of whack it is my skin and GI systems that get touchy. It takes very little to trigger severe inflammation. Even cashmere sweaters feel like Brillo pads.
You know when you do something and you immediately realize that it was a bad idea? For me it was a moment of vanity yesterday when I was applying makeup on my face for a professional portrait. While I still had foundation on my fingers I smoothed the skin under my eyebrows, which is a strict no-no for people with sensitive skin. I thought about washing off the makeup then decided to “roll the dice” and see what happens. (*see pic above for “what happens”)
Was this the makeup’s fault? No. It was my fault.
I deserved this. I did it to myself. I made my skin sensitive by being insensitive to my own health and wellness. I also knew that I shouldn’t apply makeup around my eyes. I willfully ignored what I know to be best for myself, including the red flags and telltale signs that I was heading for trouble.
Why did I do this to myself? Because I’m human. I am pre-programmed to push limits and learn lessons the hard way. We all are.
Instead of beating myself up any further I am taking responsibility for what I did to myself. I am owning up to my own thoughts and actions and most importantly I am acknowledging that I am not perfect, but that I can do better. So I will. In fact, I already am back on track and intentionally committing to staying healthy despite another week of festivities.
Staying healthy is a lifelong activity in which all of us will invariably fail in some way. I am not alone and you are not alone in the challenge to make good decisions and stay healthy. Don’t be fooled by all the “perfection” you see online. Nobody is perfect and nobody is living an ideal life.
There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors out there and it’s hard to not feel inadequate, imperfect or downright bad about yourself. All the fakeness is hard to see through and not being able to live up to it can make you want to give up. Don’t. NOBODY has their life perfectly together. NOBODY.
If you get off course in life just pick yourself up, acknowledge and forgive your actions, then get back on track. It’s the best gift you’ll ever give yourself.
Happy Holidays!
Cover Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash
